Jill Cook is the assistant director of the American School Counselors' Association (ASCA), a group comprised of 24,000 school counselors with chapters in all 50 states. She says that the biggest changes at the primary school level have to do with the amount of time counselors now spend in the classroom. "Counselors may go into classes regularly, even teaching lessons on such topics as bullying, peer interactions, and friendships, good touch vs. bad touch, being organized with schoolwork," she says. "Peer and friendship issues, though they're not as elevated as in middle school, need to be addressed constantly."

   Other, more serious topics under the watchful eyes of school counselors are divorce, death in the family, illness, or other family crises; and all levels of learning disabilities, from ADD/ADHD to Asperger's and autism. Counselors serve both as a conduit of information between school and home, and as a sympathetic and knowledgeable ear for the child and members of his family. They need to walk a fine line, however, between doing their job and becoming over-involved with a family, or overstepping the bounds of their role. Jeannie Abutin-Mitsch, a counselor at two primary schools in Westminster, CA, says, "We try to be very neutral and focus on what the child can do, and what family members can do to support the child. If needed, we refer to outside sources for family counseling."

Abutin-Mitsch says that the most important traits for primary school counselors are empathy, resilience, good social skills, and flexibility. "If we have these skills as counselors," she says, "we are better able to handle the situations we encounter and the people we deal with." Not to mention that these are some of the precise traits counselors spend their time trying to instill in children.

"Many children have a very hard time admitting their mistakes," says Trinklein-Engman, recalling that poster on her wall. "Children typically begin arguing and justifying immediately, and I often have to remind a child that, at this moment, he has upset someone. This is not about being a bad person. This is not about being imperfect. It is about making a bad choice and being challenged to accept responsibility for that choice.'